The record producer and the Gregorian Monks,at a chant recording session…

Posted: March 14, 2013 in Uncategorized

This is something I wrote a while ago, but I still like it  🙂


Ok guys, we’re going to start fresh this morning.  I know for a lot of you, this is your first trip to L.A., so it’s all exciting and new, but there’s going to have to be some things changed around here.

First, I can’t deal with the names — All the Brother Jebediah, Brother Obadaiah, Brother Ezekeil crap gave me a migraine Friday.  In front of you, you will find nametags with your new “studio” names.

Yes, Brother Shawntell?

No, no, you don’t have to legally change your name.  You can remain Brother Absolom when you’re not dealing with me.

Next, I got a few complaints from the club by your hotel.  Guys, trust me on this, strippers in LA do NOT like having holy water thrown on them.  I dont know what it’s like in your monastery, but I had to do some fast talking to keep the bouncers from going upside your heads.  And that funky haircut gives them a target.

You had a question, Brother Ottacious?

This is the one you met on the corner?  Yeah, I imagine she allowed herself to be doused because you paid her for it. These women are talented actresses, her moans of “purify me” were probably fake.  I’m glad you had a transcendant experience, I hope it was worth it.

Finally, to the business at hand.

I gotta tell you guys, the sessions we did Friday were positively unholy.  I haven’t heard such crap come out of a priest’s mouth since the Exorcist.

What is it, Brother DeQuell?

Yes, I know it was Linda Blair, not the priest.  Biteth me.

So what we’re going to do, is bring in some session monks.  I know, I know, they’re not part of the Order, but purity goes out the window when we’re talking about making money.

As well Brother Ottacious knows.

So here’s Brother Wah-wah, Brother Snake, and Brother MF’er.

Ready? Chant one, take 37.


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